I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
