There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
