Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
