I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
