need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
