So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
