If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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