it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
