she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
