I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Randomize
