Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
