we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
