I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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