I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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