my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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