member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
