He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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