I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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