so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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