we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize