Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
