My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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