Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
