Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
