You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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