Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
