her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize