I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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