There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
