I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
