if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
