I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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