i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
