Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
