Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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