i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
