see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
