I wish I only lived at night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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