woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize