I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
