u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
