Someone shit on the floor
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
