As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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