There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
