So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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