I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
