I bet he comes in French.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
