Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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