Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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