I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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