I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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