Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
