we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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