dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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