I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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