i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
