did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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