im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Randomize
