so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
