I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
