My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if only i could text you this smell
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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