It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He better not be in your backpack
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
