Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
