go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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