I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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