I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
