Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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