maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
