Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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